An Author's Mind in the Depths of Night
by TheWonton
Summary: Well, authors, readers, hopefully reviewers, and anyone else who cares to read, this is a completely random, hopefully humorous idea that I had at 12:02 A.M. It's about Dan and Ian. Enjoy! PBG, I want you to read this and tell me what you think. One-shot.


**An Author's Mind in the Depths of Night**

**A/N- I do not own Duct Tape, Ninja Turtles, Spongebob, Kirk's ice-cream, Grey Hound, Go Fish, or Wal*Mart.**

It was late at night. Two minutes past twelve to be exact. Ian Kabra was sleeping peacefully in his bed. Peacefully, that is until he heard a noise just outside his window.

"How can anything be possibly making any bloody noise out there? There is no ledge, no trees, and I have a third story room overlooking my lake," fumed a very annoyed Ian.

Outside the window, Dan Cahill was scaling the wall using his own wall climbing invention. It consisted of suction cups, band aids, and primarily Duct Tape. Stuffed down the back of his pants was long, slender ninja sword. As Dan climbed, a mix of thoughts went through his mind. _Those Cobras should never have won the race. The grand prize was by all right ours. Instead we get stuck with the second place prize. Why would we even want tickets to the semi-finals of the Japan's Got Sumo Wrestlers live show? Sumo wrestling is just a bunch fat sweaty guys in diapers bashing each other's brains out. Who would want to see that? Cobras, you will pay for this._

Ian looked out his window. "Oh, great," he said sarcastically, "it's that Cahill boy. He's probably still mad that we won the grand prize and all the power while he and Amy…" Ian's thoughts focused on Amy for a few seconds before he continued his little rant, "while he and Amy won tickets to see the semi-finals of _Japan's Got Sumo Wrestlers_ live show. All that show consists of is multiple obese men, soaked in perspiration, bumping into each other until one falls over. Who would want to see that?"

By then, Dan had reached the window sill. Ian raised the window and said, "Daniel, I'm terribly sorry that you didn't win the hunt, but with the power that I now possess, I can have you shipped from here to Africa in a matter of minutes."

"Sorry, Ian," sneered Dan, "but I only need a few seconds to kill you." With that, Dan pulled out his ninja sword. Or at least he tried to. The tip of the sword had a small curved hook used to hang it from the wall. Dan had neglected to realize that this sword was a replica of a Ninja Turtle sword. Unfortunately for Dan, this hook caught on his underwear. Dan pulled and tugged at the sword until it ripped out of his pants. Stuck at the end of the hook was a small piece of fabric with a yellow sponge with a spatula in his hand.

"Dang it," cried Dan, "that was my favorite pair of Spongebob Square Pants underpants!"

Ian, who was more amused than angry now, said "Oh, Daniel, I do have sorrow to see that you have torn your most favored sponge themed undergarment, but now I must ask you to leave immediately."

Dan was just about to climb back out the window, but then turned back to Ian. "Ian," he whined, "I climbed all the way up three stories to kill you and now you're making me leave. I have just one request before I go. Can I have some ice-cream?"

"If it will convince you to go, Daniel," sighed Ian, "then I suppose so."

Dan and Ian quietly walked out of Ian's room and to the kitchen on the first floor. "We must keep quiet," whispered Ian, "if my parents were to find out you were here, they would have you executed on the spot."

"I have a question," Dan whispered back.

"Yes?" replied Ian.

"What flavors of ice-cream do you have?"

Ian sighed. "We have all of the best flavors, Daniel. That includes mint-chocolate chip, moose tracks, cotton candy, butterscotch, regular mint, strawberry…" Ian rattled off many more flavors, "caramel, pecan, and last but certainly not least plain chocolate."

"That's cool," said Dan, but I just want some Kirks's vanilla ice-cream."

Ian groaned.

"What?" asked Dan.

"Natalie ate the last of the vanilla ice-cream yesterday," moaned Ian.

"Well, will you take me to buy some?" asked Dan eagerly.

"Daniel, do you really need me to go with you? Can't you go and purchase it on your own?"

"No, besides if you don't than I'll just stay here," Dan smiled.

"Urgh, well let's go then," said Ian.

"Thanks, Ian!" replied Dan cheerfully.

Ian didn't want to wake anyone, so they just decided to take the bus. For some unknown reason, a Grey Hound bus always came by the Kabra's mansion every hour. Ian thought it was because the driver enjoyed seeing someplace with class.

As the two young men came outside, the bus was just leaving. "Well, I guess we'll have to wait for the next bus," said Dan. Ian just groaned again.

An hour later, Ian and Dan were sitting in the grass waiting for the bus. "Do you have any three's?" asked Ian tiredly. It was now shortly after two.

"Once again, nope!" replied Dan. "Go Fish!"

Just then the bus came. "Finally!" cheered Ian.

"You were just upset that I was winning," said Dan.

"Let's just go get the ice-cream and then go our separate ways," muttered Ian.

"Ok," said Dan happily.

The bus stopped in front of Wal*Mart as Ian had instructed.

"I'll wait here in the front of the store," said Ian, "you go get the ice-cream, then bring it up here and we'll check out."

"Ok," replied Dan, "I'll be right back."

An hour later, Dan met Ian again. "What took so long?" cried Ian.

"Well, first I couldn't find the freezer section, then I couldn't find the ice-cream, then I had to use the restroom, then I had to go back and get the ice-cream, then I couldn't find my way back, then I finally found you, and then you asked me to tell you what took so long, so I told you that I couldn't find the free-"

Ian cut him off, "Ok, Dan, never mind, let's just go pay."

The line was extremely long and as they approached, Ian noticed that everything started to fade. "I would like to purchase this ice-cream," Ian said to the cashier.

"Ian," the receptionist said in a worried tone, "I think that ever since you had the mental breakdown after losing the race for the 39 Clues, you have been acting quite strange. I mean this is the third time this week that you've come to the front desk to try to pay for the jar of pencils from your room. First you thought it was a tiki, then it was the semi-finals of _Japan's Got Sumo Wrestlers _on DVD, and now you thought it was ice-cream. Go back to your room and I'll have the doctor come up to see you again.

**A/N- So now it is 1:11. I hope you enjoy this story that I wrote in a little over an hour. Also, check out my Fourum if you have time! It's called 39 Clues Character Discussion. I'm really tired and if there are a bunch of typos, that's why. I'm off to bed now! Thanks for reading and now you should review!**


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